But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp–
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, ‘What’s the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How’d all these sinners get up here?
God must’ve made a mistake.

‘And why is everyone so quiet,
So somber – give me a clue.’
‘Hush, child,’ He said, ‘they’re all in shock.
No one thought they’d be seeing you.’JUDGE NOT!!

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When Jesus commanded, “Judge not,” He was not implying that we should be naïve or imprudent. Of course we need to think critically and analytically in this world where we are often confronted with error and wrongdoing. Instead, He meant that we should not be condemning or accusing, a point Paul made eloquently: “Judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts” (1 Cor. 4:5).

Poet Robert Burns made a similar point, writing of those whose actions are in doubt: “One point must still be greatly dark—the [motive]. Why they do it.” No one knows another’s motives. God alone can bring to light what is hidden in darkness; He alone can expose the intentions of the heart.

Jesus knows the latent forces that motivate others: the cruel beginnings, the fear, the disappointment, the broken heart, the sin that is resisted. Moreover, He is working in every submissive heart to bring it to maturity. Thus in the end—quite often contrary to our expectations—He will bring praise to those He has brought to completion.

The Lord alone can try the heart. Until He returns, let’s ask Him to help us examine our own. —David Roper

“Condemn not, judge not”—not to man
Is given his brother’s faults to scan;
One task is yours, and one alone—
To search out and subdue your own. —Elliott

Be slow to judge others, but quick to judge yourself.

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More on this topic will be coming shortly.

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– 1 Corinthians 2:16

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Help For Those Addressing These Issues Personally or in Caring for a Family Member

Just like in other areas of life, the Bible can be a central focus for dealing with the issues of death and dying. A person’s relationship with God makes all the difference both in their eternal destination and in the approach a counselor should use when addressing these situations. While the Bible says that followers of Christ have nothing to fear in death (1 Corinthians 4:16-18; 5:8, New American Standard Version), it does indicate that open expressions of grief both before and after the event are appropriate (Psalm 119:28; Romans 12:15, Genesis 50, etc.). Preparation for death can also be helpful. In Scripture, parents often blessed their children as their death neared (Genesis 49), and parents today can alleviate some strain on their children by making their wishes known ahead of time (Khodyakov & Carr, 2009).

References

Feldman, R. (2008). Development across the lifespan, (5^th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall.

Finlay, I. (2009, May 30-June 5). The art of medicine: Dying and choosing. The Lancet, 373,        1840-1841.

Khodyakov, D., & Carr, D. (2009). The impact of late-life parental death on adult sibling relationships: Do parents’ advance directives help or hurt? Research on Aging, 31(5), 495-519.

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So how can an individual of middle age gain control over their distress levels by appraising a potential stressor in a positive manner? A proper perspective on who God is can help. In Christ, one can always know that “his or her coping strategies are adequate to overcome the challenge posed by the potential stressor” (Feldman, 2008, p. 450). How can one know this? Romans 8:35-39 (New American Standard Bible) is an intense list of terrible, stressful things that could happen in life, but also contains a reassurance that nothing, no matter how great, can separate a believer from the love of Christ. The expectation of this passage is not that the follower of Christ would just survive until the crisis passes, but rather that they would “overwhelmingly conquer” the situation. The Bible is replete with comfort and instruction for stressful times (1 Corinthians 10:13; 1 Peter 5:7; Psalm 23, 37:1-11; 2 Corinthians 4, etc.). Research supports the theory that strong religious commitment helps alleviate the stress associated with middle adulthood (King, Cummings, & Whetstone, 2005).

References

Feldman, R. S. (2008). Development across the lifespan, (5^th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ:           Pearson Prentice Hall.

King, D. E.  Cummings, D., & Whetstone, L. (2005). Attendance at religious services and            subsequent mental health in middle age women. International Journal of Psychiatry in             Medicine, 35(3), 287-297.

Le Fevre, M., Kolt, G. S., & Matheny, J. (2006). Eustress, distress, and their interpretation in        primary and secondary occupational stress management interventions: Which way first?            Journal of Managerial Psychology, 21(6), 547.

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Confronting sin is usually not advised if there is not a good level of trust between the counselor and the client. McMinn (1996) identified four situations in which counselors can use to confront sin: silence, pondering, questioning, and direct censure. Direct censure is the most risky as it has the potential of damaging the therapeutic relationship. As McMinn (1996) has stated, sometimes silence is golden.  Not saying anything causes the client to think through what they just said.  The use of silence is best to show an impartial stand towards a client without having to play judge and jury. As counselors, we are not in the position to play judge and jury. Our goal in counseling is to help a client become more psychologically healthy by bringing them closer to God.

In confrontation it is important to remember the purpose and goal.  The purpose of counseling and specifically of confrontation is to bring healing, redemption, and reconciliation (Brewer, n.d.).  With this in mind the counselor’s aim should be to fully examine their own motives and reasons behind confronting a client.  The best interest of the client at that particular period in time should be the guiding determinant as to what form to use and whether confrontation is appropriate.  Guiding a client toward healing and restoring their relationships between God, self, and others should drive this technique (Brewer, n.d.).

Brewer (n.d.) indicated that many times the word confrontation is immediately linked to what he calls direct censure.   Direct censure involves the common idea of verbally bringing out sin into the open and entails significant risk in the counseling office if the client is not prepared or ready for this specific approach.  Brewer (n.d.) states that the meaning of confrontation in counseling involves many different approaches such as silence, pondering, questioning, visualization of end outcome, and prayer.  These techniques can all be used as a way to encourage the client to work through sinful behavior or questionable situations.

Reference

Brewer, G. (n.d.). [Confrontation and confession in Christian counseling]. Liberty University.

McMinn, M. R. (1996). Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

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1. Praying for clients outside of sessions. As counselors, we are committed to the health of our clients. Therefore, we have a spiritual obligation to pray faithfully for our clients. This type of prayer is the least risky for a counselor to use.
2. Silently praying for clients during sessions. The counselor needs to use this type of prayer with care. McMinn (1996) recommends using it during pauses in the session in order for the counselor to ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit. The counselor should keep it brief and set other limits so as to not interfere with the counselors listening ability. Having a counselor engaged in silent in-session prayer at the same time the client asking the counselor a question could damage the client-therapist relationship.
3. Devotional meditation outside of sessions. This type of prayer can be as effective in reducing anxiety or anger issues in a client. However, whereas in Eastern religions, the use of imagery and meditation is used to empty one’s mind, this type of meditation is used to fill one’s mind with positive thoughts from the Holy Spirit as the guide.
4. Devotional meditation during sessions. This type of prayer is considered effective as part of cognitive behavior therapy when a counselor is trying to help a client modify faulty core beliefs.
5. In-session prayer training. Clients learn the various types of prayer during the counseling session and complete homework assignments at home to strengthen their spiritual life.
6. Occasional in-session prayer. This type of prayer may be beneficial for those clients facing acute stress or grief, such as for people coping with the loss of a loved one. However, praying with a client who is known to have a mental disorder, such as schizophrenia could be destructive to the patient and to the therapeutic relationship.
7. Routine in-session prayer. This type of prayer is what Jesus condemned as it is praying for social effect. Most prayer should a private relationship with God. Routine in-session prayer runs the risk of becoming a ritual as with praying before meals is a ritual and social effect.

References

McMinn, M. R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality: In christian counseling. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

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References

McMinn, M. R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality: In christian counseling. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

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A counselor who is a Christian has the initial challenge to develop a powerful, personal prayer life.  Such a spiritual and prayer life, or lack thereof, will directly impact the understanding, approach, and use of prayer in counseling.  McMinn (1996) states that the use of prayer in session is not what should be in question, but what forms of prayer with which clients and under what circumstances.  It is important to remember that seeking to help a client find and build a healthy sense of self, need, and healing relationships means that a counselor cannot use prayer as a coercive means to control or as a mask that the client can use to cover deeper issues (McMinn, 1996).  Therefore, it is imperative for a client to be open and willing to take part in prayer and not be forced into participation.

Brewer (n.d.) indicates that possible negative impacts of prayer could be the development of dependency on the counselor rather than God, self-consciousness, putting on a mask, and breach of boundaries.  To caution against these negative outcomes a counselor can use prayer for clients outside of the session, silent prayer in session, meditation outside of session, and imagery in session, to name a few (Brewer, n.d.).  What are important are the comfort level of the client and the appropriate use of prayer suited specifically for the circumstances.

References

Brewer, G. (n.d.). [Prayer and Christian Counseling]. Liberty University.

Brewer, G. (n.d.). [Prayer for Psychological and Spiritual Health]. Liberty University.

McMinn, M.R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Chrisitan counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House.

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