A Biblical Basis for the Concept of the Social Clock

The Bible does speak to the passage of time throughout the lifespan (Psalm 90:10, 139:16, New American Standard Bible), even stating that there are instances when certain life events are appropriate (Ecclesiastes 3:1, Genesis 2:24), but it does not list specific ages or orders for life events, except in the cases of circumcision (Genesis 17:12, Leviticus 12:3, Luke 2:21), priestly responsibilities (Numbers 4), and marriage preceding childbirth (1 Thessalonians 4:3,4). Given the ages of antediluvian peoples at death (Genesis 5), versus the expected lifespan in David’s time (Psalm 90:10) and beyond, it would seem that social clocks underwent tremendous change during the time frame of the writing of the Bible.

References

Feldman, R. S. (2008). Development across the life span. Upper Saddle River, NJ:  Pearson Prentice Hall.

Popenoe, D., & Whitehead, B. D. (2004). The state of our unions, 2004. Piscataway, NJ: The

National Marriage Project.

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Consider some of the issues listed in this week’s assignment. God’s Word has much to say about peer group affiliation (Proverbs 17:9, 17, 22, 24-26; 22:21; 23:20; 24:1; 25:6), autonomy (Genesis 2:24; Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:1- 3; Colossians 1:3), substance abuse (Proverbs 23:20, 29-35; Isaiah 5:11-12, 22; Romans 13:13, 14; Galatians 5: 19-25; Ephesians 5:18), suicidal ideations (Genesis 1:27; Job 3, 6:8-11; Romans 8:35-39), and sexuality (Leviticus 18; Deuteronomy 22:3; Song of Solomon; Romans 1:26,27). The overall scope of Scripture can help an adolescent develop a true sense of self, the value God places on each person, and the responsibilities human beings have toward one another. A relationship with God can give purpose and meaning to life, especially during this time of “major changes in the ways in which individuals must deal with the world” (Feldman, 2008, pg. 408).

Several studies concur that adolescents who hold “religious” values are less likely to participate in delinquent behavior (Petts, 2009; Milot and Ludden, 2009), and be involved in substance abuse (Milot and Ludden, 2009; Berg, C. Choi, W. S., Kaur, H., Ahluwalia, J. S., 2009). These same adolescents are more likely to demonstrate high scholastic motivation and achievement (Milot and Ludden, 2009) and higher degrees of hope, joviality, psychological acceptance and mindfulness (Heaven, P. C. L., Ciarrochi, J., 2007).

References

Berg, C., Choi, W. S., Kaur, H., Nollen, N., Ahluwalia, J. S. (2009). The roles of parenting,          church attendance, and depression in adolescent smoking. Journal of Community Health, 34(1), 56-64.

Feldman, R. S. (2008). Development across the life span. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson

Prentice Hall.

Heaven, P. C. L., Ciarriochi, J. (2007). Personality and religious values among adolescents: A       three-wave longitudinal analysis. British Journal of Psychology, 98(4), 681.

Milot, A. S., Ludden, A. B. (2009). The effects of religion and gender on well-being, substance   abuse, and academic engagement among rural adolescents. Youth and Society, 40(3), 403.

Petts, R. J. (2009). Family and religious characteristics’ influence on delinquency trajectories        from adolescence to young adulthood. American Sociological Review, 74(3), 463-484.

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One of these aspects has been called “emotional intelligence,” which is defined as “an array of emotional and social abilities, competencies and skills that enable individuals to cope with daily demands and be more effective in their personal and social life,” (Bar-On, Tranel, Denburg, and Bechera, 2003, pg. 1). These same researchers have also linked emotional intelligence to certain areas of the brain, which has significant ramifications as it links moral and physical development (Bar-On, et al., 2003).

Much emphasis has been placed on developing alternative intelligences within the U.S. school system in recent years. Some researchers believe incorporating social and emotional learning into schools is absolutely essential to the success of school reform (Elias, Zins, Graczyk,  Weissberg, 2003). Critics of teaching emotional intelligence in schools feel that traditional curriculum should be emphasized at school and emotional intelligence should be addressed at home (Feldman, 2008). Perhaps a compromise would be to implement training programs for parents in emotional intelligence, helping them to develop those skills in their own children.

References

Bar-On, D.; Tranel, D.; Denberg, N. L.; & Bechera, A. (2003). Exploring the neurological substrate of social and emotional intelligence [Electronic Version]. Brain: A Journal of Neurology,126, 1790-1800.

Elias, M. J.; Zins, J. E.; Graczyk, P. A.; Weissburg, R. P. (2003). Implementation, sustainability and scaling up of social-emotional and academic innovations in public schools [Abstract].  School Psychology Review, Vol. 32.

Feldman, R. S. (2008). Development across the life span. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall.

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Other members of a society, especially those who are viewed as having influence, such as teachers and even media personalities, are responsible as well (James 3:1, Matthew 18:6, New American Standard Version), (Parrot and Parrot, 2002). Piaget, Kohlberg and Gilligan all formed their theories around schools as the basis for moral education (Nucci, 2008).

Do You Ascribe to a Particular Theory of Moral Development? Discuss and Defend Your Position.

There are elements of each theory of moral development that are valuable. Piaget was a “masterful observer of children’s behavior” (Feldman, 2008, pg. 228), and his descriptions of the way children address issues of morality are helpful in studying their development. Kohlberg’s maintenance that children should not only learn about morality but have the opportunity to be moral agents within a community is important. Gilligan’s morality of care is certainly appropriate in today’s world of overwhelming need (Nucci, 2008).

When moral development theory is divorced from spirituality, there is no room for the possibility of sin, salvation, or the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Certainly each one of these things can change children’s “sense of justice and of what is right and wrong, and…behavior related to moral issues” (Feldman, 2008, pg. 273),  which is the definition of moral development in the text.  Without an inclusion of God, any theory of moral development is deficient.

References

Feldman, R. S. (2008). Development across the life span. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall.

Nucci, L., Murray, M. E. (2008). Moral development and moral education: An overview. Retrieved July 4, 2009, from University of Illinois at Chicago, Studies in Social and Moral Development and Education Web site: http://tigger.vic.edu/~lnucci/MoralEd/overview.html.

Parrot, L., Parrot, L. (2002). Counseling adolescents: Serving the struggle for identity and place in the world. In T. Clinton & G. Ohlschlager (Exec. Eds.), Competent ChristianCounseling: Vol. 1. Foundations and practice of compassionate soul care (pp.561- 585). Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press.

Thompson, R. A. (2006, October). Updating moral development theory: Early Conscience. Notre Dame Symposium on Personality and Moral Character, hosted by the Center for Ethical Education.

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What Advice Would You Give to Parents Who Were Deciding the Issue of Childcare for Their Child?

In a counseling situation, a careful examination of the family’s budget could determine the actual salary brought in by the second income and help clarify the best option for the family. In a two career family, careful attention needs to be paid to the actual costs of working. There are expenditures beyond the childcare fees, such as taxes, commuting, and wardrobe purchase and care.  (Rankin, 2002)

As a counselor, this writer would lean toward encouraging mothers to find ways to stay home with their children. Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 list positive attributes of godly women, without making clear statements about whether or not women should work outside the home. In both passages, women are encouraged to place the needs of their husbands and children above their own aspirations. This principle, while not seemingly popular, is still possible to apply today, and a Christian counselor could help families seeking to do so think through all the options creatively.

References

The Bible. New American Standard Version.

Brooks-Gunn, J., Han, W., & Waldfogel, J. (2002, July-August). Maternal employment and child cognitive outcomes in the first three years of life: The NICHD study of early child care [Electronic version]. Child Development, Vol. 73, No.4, 1052-1072.

Feldman, R. S. (2008). Development across the life span. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall.

Rankin, N. (2002) Taking parenting public: The case for a new social movement [Electronic version]. Lanham, MD: Rowman and Littlefield. Retrieved June 30, 2009, from http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/000000/000045.htm

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Helping Bereaved Children edited by Nancy Boyd Webb is a book written as a tool for Thantologisits, psychologists, clergy and social workers who specialize in grief counseling of children. Webb is a clinical social worker whose specialty is play therapy. She is professor on the faculty of Fordham University and is the editor of The Guilford Press book series Social Work Practice with Children and Families (Webb).Among her many other tasks and publications Webb has written several books and produced a video entitled Techniques of Play Therapy (Webb) for professionals that work in the fields of child development and grief therapy. After working with children for many years Nancy Boyd Webb discovered that there was a lack of resources to help professionals in the growing field of child grief. Helping Bereaved Children is a resource that parents social workers teachers’ laymen and professionals can use to develop skills such as play therapy when working with children who have experienced a loss. Webb uses case studies, her own other therapists that contributed to this book as examples to teach professionals how to use and implement play therapy when working with a grieving child.

Helping Bereaved Children is divided into four parts the introduction which defines and explains how to recognize grief in children. Chapter two covers Assessment and cognitive development of the child using Piaget’s cognitive theory as a guideline for the developmentally age related process of bereavement. Death in the Family chapters three through seven cover the loss of parents grandparents siblings complicated grief suicide and violent death such as murder. Part three chapters eight nine and ten discusses death in schools and community and the treatment of children who experience these tragedies. Part four gives examples of interventions using case studies from Webb and four other contributing therapists. Part four discusses a relatively new aspect to grief helping children recover from terrorism.

Part one chapters one and two are guide lines for defining grief in children and how to assess whether or not a child has reached the point of intervention.  According to Webb most children do not reach the developmental ability to understand and comprehend the permanence of death until around the ages of seven to eleven years of old. Referring to Piaget’s Cognitive Development theory children develop cognitively in three distinct and overlapping stages, Preoperational, Latency and Prebubertal.

The preoperational stage is also called the stage of magical thinking and occurs between the ages of two and seven years. Children in this stage of cognitive development believe that their thoughts or emotions cause the death of a loved one.  It is very difficult for a child of this age to understand that death not permanent and that they did not cause the death by having a mean thought. Many times children will think that by being good they can bring their loved one back to life or make them wake up. This is why we as adults should not tell young children that Grandma has gone to sleep. Sleep is temporary and children understand that people wake up. Working with children in this stage of development is very challenging because they often lack verbal skills to communicate what they are feeling and remembering. Toys placed in a room in various places where a child can explore are one tool that is used. If a child has been witness to a violent crime such as a murder suicide of a parent. Placing toys that are repersentive of the event within the child’s range will give the child encouragement to re-enact the event. Giving them crayons or makers and paper to draw with and asking them to make a picture of what happened is also very effective. Another interesting tool is that of finger paint especially if a child was witness to the murder of a parent and then clung to the body of the dying parent. The child will paint their body with the “blood “as a way of accepting the death and separation. The paint washes off easily when the child is done playing and is symbolic of washing off the blood.

Latency also known as Concrete Operational stage of cognitive development occurs between the ages of seven and eleven. Children at this stage in mental development start to comprehend and understand the permanence of death. They also have begun to think in the abstract and can reason for themselves what it means to die though death still seems futuristic and not applicable to their lives. The challenge for therapists working with children of this cognitive stage is getting them to open up and talk about the loss. The seven to eleven year old has a very low tolerance for emotional pain and will avoid talking about the event .Parents will see clues that grief is active and can spot problems by observing behaviors such as loss of appetite nightmares disinterest in pervious activities that brought joy or pleasure before the death. Webb has found that playing board or card games with this age is very effective and presents a safe way for them to express their grief. The Story Telling game is one such game that is recommended .The game consist of story cards and settings such as rooms in the home community scenes, grocery store school police station fire department and a few blank cards that the child can chose to alter to his or her situation.

By the ages of nine to twelve years children are able to think and reason in more logical terms and understand that death can happen to anyone at any age and is permanent this is called the Perpubertal  stage  or Formal  Operational stage of cognitive development. By this time children are receptive to talk therapy and yet still young enough to prefer board and card games. Children this age are more vulnerable to depression and suicide after the death of a loved one.

Bereavement as defined in the text by Wolfelt (1983 .p28)”Grief is a process rather than a specific emotion like fear or sadness; it can be expressed by a variety of thoughts and emotions and behaviors.” It is also the loss or absence or termination of a significant relationship .Children grief differently than adults due to their cognitive development and immaturity.  These are the five guidelines that Webb uses to explain the difference between children’s grieving processes and that of adults. Children do not lack verbal and mental skills to express their anguish over the loss of a loved one, nor do they have the same tolerance for emotional pain as adults. Children are also more aware of being different than their peers and do not want that difference to be made known especially in the case of a parent dying. The majority of a Childs life especially in early to middle childhood is spent learning through play. For that reason children can appear to not be grieving by the adult care givers in their lives. Play therapy works best with children by allowing them to express their grief through drawings role play and re-enactments of events leading up to and after the death and burial of a loved one.

When evaluating a child who may be in crisis there are several areas to consider; cognitive and developmental age adjustment medical history environment past experience with death type of death and relationship to deceased. Cultural environments as well as religious affiliation and or belief systems are also considered.

For some people the grieving process can last a life time depending upon the relationship of the deceased to the child and the manner in which they died.  Such as a parent or sibling who dies at a young age or the age of the surviving child. There are milestones that all of us want to share with our families such as graduating from high school or college getting married and the birth of a child. It is important to understand that grief is personal and individual and that there is no correct or incorrect way to remember our loved ones.

I would highly recommend Helping Bereaved Children to anyone going into the fields of psychology sociology social work education and child development. As I was reading this book I could look back at my own life and my personal losses and those of my children and see that we grieved in a healthy manner. I now have technical words for the grief work that my children did and can see that for their ages developmentally they were on target. This book will become a useful resource that I refer back to over the years. Play therapy makes sense it was interesting to read the case studies and see how well it works even with very young children. Several of the children were followed up on many years latter to check their progress. All of them were doing well and stated that the play therapy they engaged in during their time of loss helped them and made a big difference in their lives.

The only topic that was not covered was the adoptee and grief. There are several other books that I have read about adoption that cover that particular issue. I also would have preferred a book by a Christian author and written from that perspective. My original choice met that criteria but was too short and did not encompass terrorism.

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Having two 11-year-old girls (one my natural daughter and one my step-daughter), I have to admit that the title of this book caught my eye, especially because in a big yellow star at the top right corner states, “Featuring a Step-by-Step Plan for Conflict Resolution.”  I do not think it is any kind of secret that pre-teen girls certainly have their share of conflicts, and since having two of them have increased this number, I was certainly willing to find out the information and suggestions that Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D.,  had to offer in her book, and honestly I was not terribly disappointed.

The main purpose of the book is to teach parents how to teach their children to think ahead and problem solve and to do this eventually on their own.  The author asserted that when children are able to do this many positive changes will occur in their behavior.  Some examples she gives from actual parents who follow the ICPS or I Can Problem Solve method claim their children become less selfish, less afraid of situations involving other children.  Some claim their children now think more clearly and that this method builds character and trust.  

She begins with direction for the parents by informing them about parenting styles and the possible effects each style will have on children.  She labels these styles, or parenting approaches as the Power Approach, the Suggesting Approach, the Explaining approach, and finally the the Problem-Solving Approach.  The Power Approach seems to advocate trying to change the behavior of children by the parents imposing their will onto their children through yelling; belittling; the famous rhetorical question, “how many times do I have to tell you…;” or physical punishment such as a slap or spank.  This approach, she suggests, will simply prove to be disempowering of the children’s own well-needed sense of self.  The Suggesting Approach, though seemingly much more reasonable than the Power Approach, still stifles a child’s self-expression and makes them reliant on someone else to problem solve for them.  In this approach parents will offer suggestions to solve problems.  One example she uses is a parent telling a child to tell her brother that she is doing her homework and she will play with him later, in response to her complaint that he bugs her relentlessly. 

With the Explaining Approach parents take suggesting further, realizing that they want their children to understand reasons problems can be solved in certain ways.  They explain feelings of others, reasons that others may have done things a certain way, why a punishment is being handed out, and so on.  But again, parents are taking the active approach and children are remaining passive.  The author then explains the Problem-Solving Approach.  She states that this approach is different from the other approaches because it teaches and allows children to take part in the role of solving their own problems.  It coaches children, often through a series of questions, to come up with possibilities as to the nature of conflict or struggles and encourages them to solve their problems using their own ideas thus empowering them to problem-solve, something that will benefit them for the rest of their lives.

Once Shure explains the importance of problem-solving, she begins to explain how.  The first step, she offers, is teaching the child how to understand someone else’s feelings and point of view.  She describes the importance of first teaching children to pay attention to their own feelings and then directing that approach towards the feelings of others.  This includes learning to put a label onto feelings as they feel them.  When an event happens in their lives, parents should ask them how they feel about it, even when those events produces different or conflicting feelings—letting the children know this is a possibility is important.  The author suggests “games” that you can play with your children to help them label.  In this she presents different possible feelings in the form of questions, “what makes you feel happy?  Sad?  Worried or Relieved?” And so forth.  She encourages parents to have children write “what-if” stories and describes other games such as writing index cards with feeling words on them and having children think of scenarios for points.  This, she explains, can easily translate into real-life experiences when the occasions arise.

The next step is to understand others’ motives.  This is done by building listening skills which will, in essence, help to avoid coming to false conclusions as to another’s behavior.  She describes the use of “silly skits” in which she demonstrates a fake dialog between two children that are obviously not listening to each other.  This exaggerated example can be used in real life application when a child responds to a situation in a way that may not be accurately depicting the intention of the other person involved.  This is done by reminding them of the “silly skit.”  In this section she also explains how to teach a child to hone in on cues, such as facial expression or tone of voice.  Using these observations, it is the next step to teach a child to find alternate solutions.  Again she offers the use of fictitious dialogs as demonstration and suggests a series of questions that will help the child find alternative solutions to certain problems.  This again can be then directed to real-life situations. 

After the above skills are in place, teaching children to consider consequences to their behavior, such as how it will affect themselves and others, follows.  Shure describes the importance of taking this process past thinking only of external consequences, such as being grounded or having something taken away, on to guiding them through internal consequences thus teaching them to sympathize with others.  Again, the use of fictitious situations begins this process.  Here it is important to use questions to guide children past the external and hone in on the internal, or feelings.  When applied to real life, once a child comes up with their own ideas or solutions, this step takes them further and asks them what they think the outcome of each will be.  I thought the most important suggestion for parents at this point was to let go and let them.  Even if the parents can think of better solutions, or if they know the outcome will be different than the children think, if it will not cause harm to the child or someone else, it is important to allow the child to follow through with their own plans.  That will teach them that you respect their point of view, which in turn builds confidence within the child to make their own decisions.

The last step teaches sequential planning.  This equips the children with a sophisticated process of thought that directs them toward a specific goal.  This process includes facing and overcoming obstacles, thinking about timing of actions, learning patience, and sequentially putting these parts together.  This chapter teaches the parent to teach children to better define their goals and make a plan by recognizing what steps to initially take, considering how long each step may take, determining the best time to implement each step, realizing there may be obstacles, and changing the plan if needed.  As with the other steps, the author suggests fictitious scenarios to go over with children as they follow the sequential process. 
The book concludes with a series of quiz questions for each chapter and finally with a chapter on dealing with extreme problems during the teen years such as smoking, alcohol, and pregnancy.  She offers ways to get children to think about these issues before they arise, making them aware of the consequences and outcomes of each possibility. 

I did enjoy reading this book.  I have to admit that although in print, the ideas seem to flow and make sense, I had my doubts about real-life application.  I absolutely agree with her submission on parenting styles, and further agree that getting the child to actively participate in problem-solving for themselves is essential.  As the author suggests, prompting questions also would seem to prove the most effective way in having children consider points that they may not have before.  The part I am curious to experiment with is the role playing.  I think the acceptance of this stage will have a lot to do with the relationship that the parent and child already have.  From the point of view of imagining myself sitting in a “counseling” setting with future children clients, I believe that the role playing will be easier, since that is part of the process.  Many of the questions and techniques she taught, I do believe, were very insightful and will certainly help with my future practice.  Since I do think her reasoning makes logical sense, I am going to begin to try these steps with my daughters and see how effective they are.  The idea of equipping my daughters with the skills to problem solve on their own certainly intrigues me, since I believe this to be the deep-down ultimate goal of parents for each of their children.  I am sure that each of us, my daughters and myself, will take something from the experience.

References
Shure, M. B. (2000). Raising a Thinking Preteen:  The “I Can Problem Solve” Program for 8- to 12-Year-Olds. New York: Henry Holt and Company, LLC.

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