Extending off of Dr. Wilson’s book, Hurt People Hurt People: Hope and Healing for Yourself and Your Relationships, Cloud and Townsend extends her biblical theory into marriage and boundaries. Dr. Wilson believes that there are many hurting people in this world because of earlier relationships that they had with loved ones. Because they tell themselves lies to protect them and tend to not trust God, these hurts and lies can carry over into a marriage.

According to Cloud and Townsend (1999) a boundary is, in the “simplest sense, is a property line. It denotes the beginning and end of something” (p. 17). Over the years, Cloud and Townsend observed the dynamics of marriages that go into” producing and maintaining love” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 17). Boundaries are important because “when boundaries are not established in the beginning of a marriage, or when they break down, marriages break down as well” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 17). This breakdown creates tensions or problems in the relationships, where the couples are never fully able to grow as individuals and as couples, which is God’s design.

Establishing these boundaries requires many important elements in a relationship. These elements include: responsibility, freedom, protection, and self-control. Responsibilities help individuals determine who is responsible for what: their actions, words, and behaviors. Freedom to respond, to make choices, and to limit how behaviors affect individuals and their relationships, emphasizes God’s design for us; “we were meant to love each other freely” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 23). Protection allows for the boundaries of love to grow. Protecting yourself from good and bad is important, especially when it pertains to your marriage. Having self-control, that is control over your own emotions, behaviors, and responses are important aspects to boundaries. “Self-control serves love, not selfishness. We hope that when you take control of yourself, you will love better and more purposefully and intentionally so that you and your spouse can have the intimacy you desire” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 29).

Cloud and Townsend also identify the “Ten Laws of Boundaries in Marriage” (1999, p. 37-60). When you partake in these laws and set boundaries with yourself, you become more loveable, creating the marriage that God intended and designed. Cloud and Townsend also discuss values. They believe that what one values, is what the individual have in the relationship. The values are: “love of God, love of your spouse, honesty, faithfulness, compassion and forgiveness, and holiness” (1999).

When we are able to establish boundaries for ourselves as well as for those in our relationships, we are able to have the union that God called for us. Taking responsibilities for our own actions and having the freedom to choose our responses and actions allows us to love more effectively and more freely.

Reference

Cloud, H. & Townsend, J. (1999). Boundaries in marriage: Understanding the choices that make or break loving relationships. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Send article as PDF to

Book Review: Hurt People Hurt People

Send article as PDF to

A Critique of Two Theories: Effective Biblical Counseling by Dr. Larry Crabb and Dr. Ron Hawkins Model for the Counseling Process

Send article as PDF to

Contrary to Crabb, Hawkins places more emphasis on working with the client to build a strategy for delivering the intervention and then engaging the client in taking ownership of this strategy and the process of personal change. Hawkins identifies the first step of a four phase model as gaining an understanding of the real problem. The client talks and the counselor listen. Phase two moves on to reality testing by setting the direction and tracking what the person is saying and reality test what the client presents. From there, a plan of action is formulated and the client is engaged in taking ownership of this plan of action and responsibility for its outcome. Finally, the counselor is active in helping to build support and accountability into the process of change regarding the client. Unless the client takes ownership for implementation, the action plan cannot be finalized. The counselor takes ownership for developing the plan, whereas the client takes ownership for implementing the plan.

References

Hawkins, R. (2010, March 28). Week One, Lecture One: Strategy for Intervention. Retrieved March 28, 2010, from Liberty University:

http://bb7.liberty.edu/courses/1/COUN507_D01_201020/content/_7395960_1/dir_!5374726174656779666f72496e74657276656e74696f6e576b2031.zip/index.html

Send article as PDF to

Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling

References

McMinn, M. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian counseling. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Send article as PDF to

Confronting sin is usually not advised if there is not a good level of trust between the counselor and the client. McMinn (1996) identified four situations in which counselors can use to confront sin: silence, pondering, questioning, and direct censure. Direct censure is the most risky as it has the potential of damaging the therapeutic relationship. As McMinn (1996) has stated, sometimes silence is golden.  Not saying anything causes the client to think through what they just said.  The use of silence is best to show an impartial stand towards a client without having to play judge and jury. As counselors, we are not in the position to play judge and jury. Our goal in counseling is to help a client become more psychologically healthy by bringing them closer to God.

In confrontation it is important to remember the purpose and goal.  The purpose of counseling and specifically of confrontation is to bring healing, redemption, and reconciliation (Brewer, n.d.).  With this in mind the counselor’s aim should be to fully examine their own motives and reasons behind confronting a client.  The best interest of the client at that particular period in time should be the guiding determinant as to what form to use and whether confrontation is appropriate.  Guiding a client toward healing and restoring their relationships between God, self, and others should drive this technique (Brewer, n.d.).

Brewer (n.d.) indicated that many times the word confrontation is immediately linked to what he calls direct censure.   Direct censure involves the common idea of verbally bringing out sin into the open and entails significant risk in the counseling office if the client is not prepared or ready for this specific approach.  Brewer (n.d.) states that the meaning of confrontation in counseling involves many different approaches such as silence, pondering, questioning, visualization of end outcome, and prayer.  These techniques can all be used as a way to encourage the client to work through sinful behavior or questionable situations.

Reference

Brewer, G. (n.d.). [Confrontation and confession in Christian counseling]. Liberty University.

McMinn, M. R. (1996). Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Send article as PDF to

1. Praying for clients outside of sessions. As counselors, we are committed to the health of our clients. Therefore, we have a spiritual obligation to pray faithfully for our clients. This type of prayer is the least risky for a counselor to use.
2. Silently praying for clients during sessions. The counselor needs to use this type of prayer with care. McMinn (1996) recommends using it during pauses in the session in order for the counselor to ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit. The counselor should keep it brief and set other limits so as to not interfere with the counselors listening ability. Having a counselor engaged in silent in-session prayer at the same time the client asking the counselor a question could damage the client-therapist relationship.
3. Devotional meditation outside of sessions. This type of prayer can be as effective in reducing anxiety or anger issues in a client. However, whereas in Eastern religions, the use of imagery and meditation is used to empty one’s mind, this type of meditation is used to fill one’s mind with positive thoughts from the Holy Spirit as the guide.
4. Devotional meditation during sessions. This type of prayer is considered effective as part of cognitive behavior therapy when a counselor is trying to help a client modify faulty core beliefs.
5. In-session prayer training. Clients learn the various types of prayer during the counseling session and complete homework assignments at home to strengthen their spiritual life.
6. Occasional in-session prayer. This type of prayer may be beneficial for those clients facing acute stress or grief, such as for people coping with the loss of a loved one. However, praying with a client who is known to have a mental disorder, such as schizophrenia could be destructive to the patient and to the therapeutic relationship.
7. Routine in-session prayer. This type of prayer is what Jesus condemned as it is praying for social effect. Most prayer should a private relationship with God. Routine in-session prayer runs the risk of becoming a ritual as with praying before meals is a ritual and social effect.

References

McMinn, M. R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality: In christian counseling. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Send article as PDF to

References

McMinn, M. R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality: In christian counseling. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Send article as PDF to

A counselor who is a Christian has the initial challenge to develop a powerful, personal prayer life.  Such a spiritual and prayer life, or lack thereof, will directly impact the understanding, approach, and use of prayer in counseling.  McMinn (1996) states that the use of prayer in session is not what should be in question, but what forms of prayer with which clients and under what circumstances.  It is important to remember that seeking to help a client find and build a healthy sense of self, need, and healing relationships means that a counselor cannot use prayer as a coercive means to control or as a mask that the client can use to cover deeper issues (McMinn, 1996).  Therefore, it is imperative for a client to be open and willing to take part in prayer and not be forced into participation.

Brewer (n.d.) indicates that possible negative impacts of prayer could be the development of dependency on the counselor rather than God, self-consciousness, putting on a mask, and breach of boundaries.  To caution against these negative outcomes a counselor can use prayer for clients outside of the session, silent prayer in session, meditation outside of session, and imagery in session, to name a few (Brewer, n.d.).  What are important are the comfort level of the client and the appropriate use of prayer suited specifically for the circumstances.

References

Brewer, G. (n.d.). [Prayer and Christian Counseling]. Liberty University.

Brewer, G. (n.d.). [Prayer for Psychological and Spiritual Health]. Liberty University.

McMinn, M.R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Chrisitan counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House.

Send article as PDF to

This is an ongoing research study as part of the Liberty University graduate psychology program.

References

Roy, N. J. (2009). Family Relationships and the Impact on Adolescent Substance Abuse. Liberty University. Available [Online]: http://www.galtmilemedia.com/docs/family-relationships-adolescent-substance-abuse.pdf

Send article as PDF to